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In New York, you're always looking for a job, apartment, or a boyfriend.” The moment Carrie Bradshaw strolled onto the small screen in her Manolo Blahnik stilettos in the late 90s, dating culture in
New York City was shown to the rest of the world. However, it’s worth reminding that “Sex and the City” was a fictional TV series that was more fantastical than factual. What it did show, however, is that dating in the Big Apple is truly complex. It has possibly become even more so today. If you're moving to New York with the hopes of finding “the one,” you might want to learn more about dating here first.
New York City's Gender Norms
Before you even think about dating in New York City, it's worth noting the gender norms here. As you may already know, the Big Apple is and has always been one of the most liberally progressive cities in the US. Women here aren't just more or less equal to men, but many of them even enjoy a bit more authority and influence than their male counterparts. The queer community is also loud and proud here, so much so that New York City is often touted as the world's gay capital. As such, this makes it easier to meet and connect with people compared to other parts of the US, especially the smaller
American countryside towns, which tend to be more conservative.
Dating is Expensive in New York City
While it may be easier to meet and get to know more people in New York City, it will also cost more to date here. Business Insider ranks the city as one of the most expensive places to date, noting that the average date here costs about $144.00. On top of that,
New York City's living costs are also notoriously high, with rent averaging about $3,000.00 to $5,000.00 per month. If you're already struggling to keep up with that, how could you ever afford to take someone else out to a restaurant, the movies, or the theater?
How Hookup Culture Invaded the City
New York City's massive population and fast-paced lifestyle have given way for hookup culture to dominate the dating scene. These days, a large majority of
New Yorkers prefer to just hook up, be it for one-night stands or getting into “friends with benefits” arrangements, instead of maintaining steady relationships. Many are simply too busy to commit to other people beyond sexual pleasure, while the gap between men and women continues to grow with the current political climate. Gallup News specifically noted that women are becoming more liberal, while more and more men tend to lean conservative.
Do Dating Apps Work?
The short answer to this is yes, dating apps still work in New York City. A Pew Research Center study found that one in ten couples met each other online, and a majority of them used apps to discover their current partners. Whether that “works” in the long run remains to be seen. As already mentioned, hookup culture has more or less dominated New York City's dating scene, and that's thanks in large part to dating apps. Even the most popular online platform for the LGBTQ+ community, Grindr, is more commonly known as a hookup app than for dating.
Where to Meet New People in New York
Moving to New York City lets you live in one of the most populated and most diverse cities in the world. And a huge benefit to this is having a multitude of opportunities to meet new people. Most of the time, it's as easy as simply stepping out and bumping into someone. You can also join all sorts of classes and clubs, which arguably increases your chances of meeting new friends—or possibly new partners—thanks to your shared interests. And if all else fails, platforms like Eventbrite and Meetup NYC host all sorts of singles events to specifically help single New Yorkers get into the dating scene.
Rampant Ghosting in the Big Apple
Unfortunately, a city as big as New York also makes it easy for people to ghost one another. For the uninformed, “ghosting” refers to a now-common practice of suddenly ending contact and communication without any explanation. And it has also infiltrated New York City's dating scene. A Thriving Center of Psychology survey even saw that 84% of its 18 to 24 year old respondents in the city said they've been ghosted before. Hence, it's no surprise that more and more people are hesitant to date if they're at risk of getting ghosted by their partners.
The Iconic LGBTQ+ Scene
Typically, the LGBTQ+ community has an entirely different dating culture from their straight and cisgender counterparts. But since queer people—and queerness, in general—have become such an integral part of New York City's population, the two have essentially converged. For one thing, more and more of those who identify as 'straight' are open or have participated in all sorts of queer relations. The generally liberal and progressive atmosphere in the city has also allowed trans men and women to let themselves out there more and to be more confident in getting into the dating scene.
How You Should Date in New York City
While there's no guarantee that you'll succeed in New York City's eternally complex dating scene, there are things you can do to get a better grasp of your situation. Follow these tips to try and improve your chances of finding a partner in the Big Apple:
- Try casual dating to take things slow.
- Balance the number of people you meet online with those you meet in real life.
- Got to more and new places to meet new people.
- Be direct with your intentions early on in your relationship.
- Always be honest with your dates.
- You don't have to spend more than you can afford on your dates.
- Change things in your day-to-day every once in a while.
Dating in New York City is as much an adventure as it is a trial. Meeting and maintaining relationships with people in your life is never easy, but it’s especially challenging in one of the populous and extremely crowded cities in the world.
